Today I decided to build a shrine in a new area I have been walking lately. A friend and I walked here recently and felt a lot of energetic activity in the land here. That day we were also discussing a “Vision Fast” we would be taking. We were both asking for guidance around this. During some of my processing with her I looked down and found a compass! To me this was a sing that my journey would be about deciding which direction to go in next. This made perfect sense to me. As I am entering many transitions in my life including starting perimenopause, and moving from my Ovate to my Druid work. The compass and directions reminds me of the Earth element; following the direction of your own two feet on the ground. It’s interesting because I found out the person guiding us on this quest calls it an “Earth Walk.” How appropriate! I have always found that the element I lack connection to the most is Earth. Those of you who know me, know that I am strongly intuitive, visionary and empathic. I tend to live in my mind and intellect (Air) and my emotions and intuition (Water.) You may find me to seem slightly spacey as though my feet aren’t on the ground because of this. So this is why I seek to ground and relate more to the element of Earth and it’s qualities/ attributes.
It’s interesting because when Sali Crow was talking to me about mentioning me and my work in her next book she called me “An Earth Witch.” I explained to her how odd that felt as my astrology is mostly water and Air and I always feel as though I am not very “grounded” a person. But she explained how the work I do with shrines and plants is Earth work and we discussed how sometimes the thing you lack most is the very thing your drawn to work with for balance! The Earth element corresponds to the physical body. I have been often uncomfortable in my own skin because of health issues as well as a struggle throughout my life with excess weight. Because of societal standards of beauty I often find myself disliking my body feeling angry and discussed with it. Feeling it is holding me back from success on so many levels. This also makes me disassociate from my body, living even more in my mind and dream space and therefore disconnection with my Earth element even more. I tend to blame all of my life issues on my weight; I didn’t get that job I want? It’s because they thought I was too fat, I’m having blood sugar or arthritis problems? It’s because I’m too fat (when skinny people have these issues just as much,) the relationship didn’t work out? They probably just didn’t want me because I’m fat and therefore embarrassing to them, or not beautiful enough for them.
I thought of all this as I was in trance, and building my shrine today. I remembered something I had learned through my Yoga practice years ago; The weight I carry is not due to any particular way I eat, or exercise. I found through my life that I don’t lose weight when I diet and exercise. I also notice that at other times I do lose weight when I am eating whatever I want and not exercising. The weight is an energetic holding. It is a protection for me from the harshness of the world. It has less to do with caloric intake and more to do with my mental/ emotional state. I drop weight when I am feeling safe, secure and loved/ held/ supported. I find this especially happens in relation to feeling in a happy, healthy space within intimate relationships. When/ if things feel unstable, or emotionally draining and unsafe I tend to pile on the pounds. There is an actual physiological reason for this in that when humans evolved if we were lacking in security food etc our bodies would hold onto weight more knowing we would need to access is later when we were in famine conditions. Whereas if food is abundant our bodies will let go of weight easier, knowing it is safe and will be fed. This is essentially the same thing I described above, only translated into emotional substance. It of course also relates to sexuality. As my earliest accounts of putting weight on was a direct response to unwanted advances by older men. I developed early and always looked way older. You can imagine how I was received as a twelve year old little girl having a size “C” cup and being very tall. Confused, dishearten, irritated and frankly disgusted by all this, I simply obliterated my curves the only way I knew how….by getting fat.
This all relates to healing I need to do to build a better relationship with the Earth element as I hope to do in this lifetime. Our work is never quick/ easy. But I especially hope to be integrating these things as I go on my Earth Walk next weekend. I am sure I will build another shrine while out there. So here is my First Earth Shrine. It is round like planet Earth. In the center is an acorn that a friend gave me. I find that I am putting natural gifts I receive from friends into my shrines now. The acorn is the seed and holds within it an entire Oak tree. But it will not survive or be nurtured without the element of Earth, and the nutrients of the soil. Fire (the sun) will excite it, water will soften it, but only with the addition of Earth can it grown/ sustain.
Thank you all for holding this very personal/ vulnerable sharing lightly.
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